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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. I’m trying to learn how to be a more sensitive lover so I downloaded a video from the internet called "How To Improve Your Foreplay Technique".

    I have to say it was really good.

    I had to fast forward though the boring bit at the beginning obviously.

    I mean, I don’t know why they bothered with that.
     
    #8621 El Toro, Oct 17, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. I’ve just seen on the BBC news that a red and blue ship have collided in the Atlantic Ocean.

    Apparently the survivors are marooned.
     
    #8622 El Toro, Oct 17, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  3. Our GP told me his stock of flu vaccines was made in Liverpool.

    So it probably doesn't work..
     
    #8623 Rudolph Hart, Oct 17, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. Been offered a job shaving ladies front bottoms...

    Its £10 an hour, Gash in hand!
     
    #8624 El Toro, Oct 18, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. When I was little we were so poor that on my 6th birthday my mum put 3 candles on a cake and put it in front of a mirror!
     
    #8625 El Toro, Oct 18, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  6. Today I'm starting diarrhoea awareness week...

    Runs until Friday!
     
    #8626 El Toro, Oct 18, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 3
  7. The government advises shopping early for Christmas this year, because of supply issues.

    That means 23rd December for most men.....
     
    #8627 Rudolph Hart, Oct 18, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
  8. I'm looking forward to Adele's album "49" including the hits "Do you ever fucking listen?", "It's here in the drawer where I told you it was", "Is it hot in here or is it just me?", and "What's for tea?"
     
    #8628 El Toro, Oct 19, 2021
  9. Q. What do you call a hazelnut chocolate that goes down the road at 180mph?

    A. A Ferrari Rocher..
     
    #8629 Rudolph Hart, Oct 19, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
  10. I was the first person to ever install a trampoline on a musician’s tour bus.

    Now everyone’s jumping on the band wagon!
     
    #8630 El Toro, Oct 20, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  11. Q. How do you make a snooker table laugh?

    A. Tickle its balls.
     
    #8631 Rudolph Hart, Oct 20, 2021
  12. Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

    His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

    So that's what Rich did.

    The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

    "Yes, I did," said Joe.

    "Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

    "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
     
    #8632 SquarePeg, Oct 20, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Useful Useful x 1
  13. 99% of government ministers give the other 1% a bad name.
     
    #8633 Rudolph Hart, Oct 20, 2021
    • Agree Agree x 2
  14. Whenever my mate Dave’s wife, Julie, sends him to the supermarket to buy a cucumber he also buys some Vaseline so the cashier doesn’t think he’s a vegan.
     
    #8634 El Toro, Oct 25, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. One of my friends is an unemployed jester.

    He's nobody's fool...
     
    #8635 Rudolph Hart, Oct 25, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
  16. The BBC news has just reported that the man who first introduced men and women playing tennis together in a foursome died yesterday.

    RIP Mick Stubbles
     
    #8636 El Toro, Oct 26, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Q. What has 200 legs, no teeth and stinks of stale piss?

    A. The front row at a Cliff Richard concert.
     
    #8637 Rudolph Hart, Oct 26, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. My wife and I have decided that we don’t want children.

    We’ll be telling them at dinner tonight.
     
    #8638 El Toro, Oct 27, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  19. My mate sent a text that read:

    'My 3 favourite things are eating my girlfriend and not using commas'.
     
    #8639 Rudolph Hart, Oct 27, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. I tried the Hermes position yesterday....stayed in for hours but nobody came!
     
    #8640 SquarePeg, Oct 27, 2021
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Like Like x 1
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