The Rules

Having trouble keeping up with you lot!

Latest version below. Getting more controversial. Have edited out a few and combined a few others, but it's starting to look pretty good.

If anyone has a particular dislike of any of the rules please point it out and the opinion of the majority in the ensuing debate will win through.

Ducatisti – The Rules (thanks for the correction NZDave)

Rule 1 – You shall obey The Rules.

Rule 2 – The only real Ducati is a Red Ducati unless you are either colour blind, stupid or like flies in which case you can be forgiven for having a Yellow one. (El Toro)

Rule 3 – Yellow is faster than red if you own yellow, if you own red then it is faster than yellow. If you own both then you should sell the Yellow one – see Rule 2. (Chisel)

Rule 4 - The ### is the most beautiful bike ever made – insert the name/number of the one you own. (BlueHawk)

Rule 5 - Ducati's are uncomfortable, if you have an issue with it either sell or harden the fuck up. (NigelM)

Rule 6 - When a thread is closed, it is closed. (El Toro)

Rule 7 – Never mention tax disk holders. (Chisel)

Rule 8 – For an unmarried person the correct number of Ducati's to own is n+1, n being the number you currently own. (NigelM)

Rule 9 – For a married person the correct number of Ducati's to own is n-1, n being the number equal to divorce. (Bobthedog)

Rule 10 – you shall bling everything up and excessive use of carbon fibre is compulsory (El Toro)

Rule 11 - If you own a Panigale you will not mention a heat issue, the F or P suspension setting or seat discomfort/grip – see Rule 5. (Bobthedog)

Rule 12 - It is perfectly acceptable to sneer at riders of other brands. But try not to let them catch your eye when you're broken down at the side of the road. Again. (Figaro)

Rule 13 - Remember, it's Italian and therefore all about the art, the emotion and the passion rather than the outright speed. You should never complain that your Ducati was a) £5k more and b) slower than every other Superbike. (Bootsam/NigelM)

Rule 14: Never deny their shortcoming, else you will just accept second best forever. They will come good eventually. As long as we keep on moaning about it. (Bootsam)

Rule 15 - Get a set of cheap race rep leathers and there will be an instant improvement in your road riding skills. (AndyB)

Rule 16 - You should never learn how to get dressed in the morning but go on-line and ask the Forum how to do it. (El Toro)

Rule 17 - You can't see behind you, the mirrors are crap, but you shall not fit bar end mirrors, instead learn the "chicken wing". (NigelM)

Rule 18 - Newcomers are not to be eaten by established Forum members. Unless they are hungry, then it is permissible to eat a newcomer. (Loz)

Rule 19 - Don't take the piss out of tetchy people then regret it afterwards – regret is a sign of weakness and should never be tolerated. Tetchy people see Rule 5. (Exige)

Rule 20 - No slagging off of lightweight aluminium socket sets. (Loz)

Rule 21 - Always lift bum slightly when farting on bike wearing leathers. (Bootsam)

Rule 22 – At the end of your ride hold your breath before unzipping your leathers – see Rule 21 – if solids are involved it’s best to unzip the left and right ankles before removal and shake vigorously before removal (Baz/Bootsam)

Rule 23 - No hijacking threads with pointless jokes. (wroughtironron)

Rule 24 - You must have tasted veal at least once. (Carr01)

Rule 25 – If you own a Ducati, riding around with a hard on is perfectly normal. Embrace it. (Baz/Carr01)

Rule 26 - No matter what bikes Ducati come out with in future, the Desmosedici will always be the Daddy (Dave)

Rule 27 – It’s all about the bikes – nothing else matters (Bradders)

Rule 30 - When at Box Hill or other such gathering, be sure to wander the rows of bikes; scoffing at the inferior lines and the inappropriate use of anodising, whilst doing your best to look under 60. (Bootsam/Figaro)

Rule 31 - Never use the words Corse, RS or a racers name after your bike name unless it’s genuine. (AndyB)

Rule 32 – If you wish to own a Ducati you shall learn about Italian electrical systems, not whine on about them going wrong. (Johnboy/Phil 748)

Rule 33 – White is not and shall never be a cool colour for a Ducati unless you are a chick, in which case it is acceptable....but it’s still not Red – see rule 2. (Evoarrow)

Rule 34 – You shall refer to Harley Davidson products (clearly not bikes) as Hardly Functional ditch pumps. (ymfb)

Rule 35 – A true member of the Ducatisti knows how to bake a bloody good cake and can bang on about it for weeks. (Evoarrow)

Rule 36 – Whilst there are Ducatis available below 900cc, the Ducatisti ride bikes of a greater capacity, unless the bike is more than 20 years old or the owner is of the fairer sex. (Char)

 

Stickers chaps, we need a position on stickers on the fairings. Who can and who can't.

 

40/41/42 all amalgamated into 27. I think it probably says it all.

 

Right, we have a top 40 and appear to be starting to scrape the barrel. These are The Rules. I'm sure they will be of great help to all new members.


Ducatisti – The Rules (thanks for the correction NZDave)

Rule 1 – You shall obey The Rules.

Rule 2 – The only real Ducati is a Red Ducati unless you are either colour blind, stupid or like flies in which case you can be forgiven for having a Yellow one. (El Toro)

Rule 3 – Yellow is faster than red if you own yellow, if you own red then it is faster than yellow. If you own both then you should sell the Yellow one – see Rule 2. (Chizel)

Rule 4 - The ### is the most beautiful bike ever made – insert the name/number of the one you own. (BlueHawk)

Rule 5 - Ducati's are uncomfortable, if you have an issue with it either sell or harden the fuck up. (NigelM)

Rule 6 - When a thread is closed, it is closed. (El Toro)

Rule 7 – Never mention tax disk holders. (Chizel)

Rule 8 – For an unmarried person the correct number of Ducati's to own is n+1, n being the number you currently own. (NigelM)

Rule 9 – For a married person the correct number of Ducati's to own is n-1, n being the number equal to divorce. (Bobthedog)

Rule 10 – you shall bling everything up and excessive use of carbon fibre is compulsory (El Toro)

Rule 11 - If you own a Panigale you will not mention a heat issue, the F or P suspension setting or seat discomfort/grip – see Rule 5. (Bobthedog)

Rule 12 - It is perfectly acceptable to sneer at riders of other brands. But try not to let them catch your eye when you're broken down at the side of the road. Again. (Figaro)

Rule 13 - Remember, it's Italian and therefore all about the art, the emotion and the passion rather than the outright speed. You should never complain that your Ducati was a) £5k more and b) slower than every other Superbike. (Bootsam/NigelM)


Rule 14: Never deny their shortcoming, else you will just accept second best forever. They will come good eventually. As long as we keep on moaning about it. (Bootsam)

Rule 15 - Get a set of cheap race rep leathers and there will be an instant improvement in your road riding skills. (AndyB)

Rule 16 - You should never learn how to get dressed in the morning but go on-line and ask the Forum how to do it. (El Toro)

Rule 17 - You can't see behind you, the mirrors are crap, but you shall not fit bar end mirrors, instead learn the "chicken wing". (NigelM)

Rule 18 - Newcomers are not to be eaten by established Forum members. Unless they are hungry, then it is permissible to eat a newcomer. (Loz)

Rule 19 - Don't take the piss out of tetchy people then regret it afterwards – regret is a sign of weakness and should never be tolerated. Tetchy people see Rule 5. (Exige)

Rule 20 - No slagging off of lightweight aluminium socket sets. (Loz)

Rule 21 - Always lift bum slightly when farting on bike wearing leathers. (Bootsam)

Rule 22 – At the end of your ride hold your breath before unzipping your leathers – see Rule 21 – if solids are involved it’s best to unzip the left and right ankles before removal and shake vigorously before removal (Baz/Bootsam)

Rule 23 - No hijacking threads with pointless jokes. (wroughtironron)

Rule 24 - You must have tasted veal at least once. (Carr01)

Rule 25 – If you own a Ducati, riding around with a hard on is perfectly normal. Embrace it. (Baz/Carr01)

Rule 26 - No matter what bikes Ducati come out with in future, the Desmosedici will always be the Daddy (Dave)

Rule 27 – It’s all about the bikes – nothing else matters (Bradders)

Rule 30 - When at Box Hill or other such gathering, be sure to wander the rows of bikes; scoffing at the inferior lines and the inappropriate use of anodising, whilst doing your best to look under 60. (Bootsam/Figaro)

Rule 31 - Never use the words Corse, RS or a racers name after your bike name unless it’s genuine. (AndyB)

Rule 32 – If you wish to own a Ducati you shall learn about Italian electrical systems, not whine on about them going wrong. (Johnboy/Phil 748)

Rule 33 – White is not and shall never be a cool colour for a Ducati unless you are a chick, in which case it is acceptable....but it’s still not Red – see rule 2. (Evoarrow)

Rule 34 – You shall refer to Harley Davidson products (clearly not bikes) as Hardly Functional ditch pumps. (ymfb)

Rule 35 – A true member of the Ducatisti knows how to bake a bloody good cake and can bang on about it for weeks. (Evoarrow)

Rule 36 – Whilst there are Ducatis available below 900cc, the Ducatisti ride bikes of a greater capacity, unless the bike is more than 20 years old or the owner is of the fairer sex. (Char)

Rule 37 – Only Make, model and Ducati Corse stickers are acceptable on the fairings of a road bike unless you are under 15 years old. On a track or race bike stickers are acceptable but only if you can lap the Indy track at Brands in less than 60 seconds

Rule 38 – You shall use the search facility before posting any questions on the Forum, even if it is a complete waste of time (chizel/Los)

Rule 39 - Unless your bike has been struck down with the usual Italian ailments and is currently broken or the weather is shitty you shall not waste time on the Forum but get out and ride you bloody bike instead of bull shitting about it. (Baldyboy/NZDave)

Rule 40 – As all subjects have been covered before by the Forum and all conversations are regurgitated forms of conversations that have taken place in the past, all further conversation on the Forum is pointless (chizel)