Save even more money by just giving them hot water and saying its new healthy clear tea better even then that green tea muck. If they prefer brown tea a cheap brown felt tip from the £1 shop steeped in it will do the trick .
Pretend your listening to your wife. Pretend shes funny Pretend sex is great Pretend her arse fits in those jeans ,joggers ,dress seat or through the doorway Pretend shes a good cook Pretend you like her friends Oh just fuckin pretend you get the jist.
Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
Save money on kitchen tiles in wintertime by gluing chocolate hob nobs to the walls (biscuit side inwards). Then, when the chocolate melts in the summer, you will get a new tiled wall for nothing.
GRAFFITI artists. Don't forget to take a can of brick coloured spray tippex in case you make a mistake.
Single men: tattoos on women who frequent Wetherspoons are a great indication of who will give up their sideways monkey mouth to the first guy who buys her a cocktail.
NEXT TIME YOU SEE two policemen walking the beat, whistle the tune to Laurel and Hardy. They love that.
PERVERTS - When nailing your scrotum to the kitchen table for sexual gratification, make sure you haven't left your "removal" tools in the bastard shed again.
Craig David. Attempt to revive your desperately disappointing career by stopping shagging all week and finally getting off your arse on a Sunday.
Chav Mothers: Save money on expensive tattoos of your kids date of births by simply keeping their birth certificates.
SHREK.. Save yourself the bother of fighting dragons to find the ogre of your dreams, by simply going on the lash in Nuneaton on a Wednesday night.
To test who loves you more,your girlfriend/wife or your dog. Bundle both of them into the boot of your car,drive around for an hour,then release them. You will then see who's happier to see you !!
PARENTS, avoid having your kids removed by Social Services by not taking them to Anal Kingdom in the school holidays.
