Top tips!

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by El Toro, Sep 10, 2013.

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  1. Avoid having to turn your phone off at a funeral, by simply having a cough sound as a ringtone.
     
    #101 El Toro, Sep 18, 2014
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  2. Banish the mid-week blues by pretending that Tuesday is Friday,Wednesday is Saturday and Thursday is Sunday.Stop pretending on Friday.
     
    #102 El Toro, Sep 18, 2014
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  3. Town councils: Reduce your litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks.
     
    #103 figaro, Sep 18, 2014
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  4. An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
     
    #104 Carr01, Sep 20, 2014
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  5. It is never a good idea to polish your shoes while sitting on the toilet!
     
    #105 Evoarrow, Sep 23, 2014
  6. If you're on a motorway and the woman driver in front of you turns on the wipers when it's not raining, it can only mean one thing.

    She's going to change lanes
     
    #106 wroughtironron, Oct 8, 2014
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  7. Waste not, want not - my wife's old knickers make excellent hammocks
     
    #107 wroughtironron, Oct 8, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
  8. Anyone have any tips on the best way to incubate dog eggs ? I've been collecting them for months but have not managed to successfully hatch any puppies :(
     
    #108 El Toro, Oct 9, 2014
  9. That's really shit
     
    #109 Exige, Oct 9, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  10. If you want to avoid war zones and rioting when planning your next holiday, stay away from the countries with the least bacon
     
    #110 wroughtironron, Oct 9, 2014
  11. never argue with an idiot. ;):smile:
     
    #111 finm, Oct 9, 2014
  12. You could probably find a negative correlation between consumption of pork based products and propensity to violence. Bacon makes you a nice person.
     
    #112 pingping010101, Oct 9, 2014
  13. Plus, it tastes fuck all like chicken:upyeah:
     
    #113 figaro, Oct 9, 2014
  14. THINKING of buying a dog? Don't buy a Golden Retriever/Labrador - have you seen how many of their owners go blind?
    Shocking.
     
    #114 El Toro, Oct 10, 2014
  15. SURVIVE nuclear holocausts by covering yourself in cockroaches
     
    #115 El Toro, Oct 10, 2014
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  16. read all of your own thread before posting ;)
     
    #116 Chris, Oct 10, 2014
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  17. SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside Topshop with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
     
    #117 figaro, Oct 10, 2014
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  18. PROVIDE a talking point for guests by hanging a ladle by the toilet :)
     
    #118 El Toro, Nov 8, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
  19. Start up a company selling and constructing Nuclear and Survival Shelters..............


    .........I mean, how can you get sued if it fails?
     
    #119 Ghost Rider, Nov 8, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. scientific research has proved that birthdays are good for you.

    The more you have, the longer you live
     
    #120 wroughtironron, Nov 8, 2014
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